ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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