You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
