Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
