Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
