Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
