why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
