YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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