I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
