don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
