Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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