I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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