You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
