Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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