so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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