I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
