I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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