This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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