This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
