drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
