if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
