I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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