I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
