We won't sleep together?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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