no, he came in my armpit
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
