I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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