Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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