I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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