thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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