when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
