I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
