I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
