you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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