I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This baby is an asshole
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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