My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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