I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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