Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
