i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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