She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
