Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
