letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
