im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
