NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
