so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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