we're blogging at a bar
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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