I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
