can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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