I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
