if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
