P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone says I win the strip club
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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