My friends, they love my intelligence
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
