I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
