So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
