Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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