i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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