she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
