So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
