you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
