Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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