I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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