you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
