John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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