yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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