Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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