dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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