If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
