I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
