everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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