I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
