Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
