It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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