Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
