anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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