Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
