Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
