I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize