Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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