She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
