Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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