I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
