dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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